Mary

 

The most horrendous things are done to people in the vain of helping them.  It seems to be some driving force in certain folk's nature to try and convert people to what they believe is truth.  The worse that they believe it is their responsibility to do this.  Woe that they should ever listen to that most beautiful of axioms, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you."

 

Modern day anthropologists struggle with the problem.  To be an unseen external observer of human nature can't answer the question of nuance.  To be an active participant upsets the very nature you wish to capture.

Psychologists don't appear to be so hampered or concerned.  Picture takers and molders have different perspectives.  The picture taker can step behind the lens the molder must massage the cast.  Probably, if you're a professional molder called for counsel there is reason.  But what about the amateurs that roam the world, trying to do good?  Like the anthropologist with his steel gifts for the lithic people, the identity will be crushed.

 

A fault to human nature is that there is no such thing as self-esteem, at least for those of us not in direct communication with the divine.  For us, our vision of ourselves is simply the fun house reflection of what we appear to be to others.  Why else strive for love and the approval of our peers?  What would happen to you, if all that you did was rejected?  What would happen to your spirit if all your friends suddenly appeared to be your enemies?  Would your world appear a psycho-drama, a Bate's Motel, waiting for another plunge of the knife?

 

About once a week Hilda used to tell me this story.  She is one of those people who "loves people".  She also used to say, "I know who I am, I know where I'm going and I know how to get there." The questions to these profound answers were never shared.  It makes you wonder about delusion.

 

She told me about Mary, her  boss and friend.  Mary seemed an ordinary sort of person, she had faults and gifts.  But her faults, or perceived faults, were Hilda's concern.  She set out to perfect her friend, to modify her behavior and correct her feelings.

 

Now she said, she loved people.  And loved the analysis, figuring out what was wrong with them. And because she loved them it was her responsibility to fix them, obviously.

 

She plotted Mary's salvation carefully.  Hilda was task oriented so she made a list of Mary's actions, methods and beliefs that she found wrong.  She gathered her co-workers and explained that Mary was depressed and needed help. She explained that these actions, methods and beliefs of Mary's could be corrected.  She pointed out, out of context, in secret, to Mary's friends, Mary's "problems".  She shared her visions of Mary with others who didn't know Mary, begging their support as she suffered the ordeal of dealing with this devil.

 

 At first Mary responded well to "the behavior modification".  "If this is indeed what I'm doing, its wrong, it should be rectified", she reasoned.  But Hilda and her friends constantly shifted the acceptable behavior.  They reasoned if Mary's doing it; it has to be wrong.  Nothing Mary does should be construed acceptable.  "ohhhh...noooo you don't!!!", Hilda would remind herself, when confronted with her own wish to normalize her relation with Mary.  It wouldn't help Mary.

 

As you might expect Mary truly thought she was going crazy.  Every action, word, even thought it seemed appeared wrong, misconstrued.  The more she did the more the muddle.  Her best friend Hilda seemed to hate her. 

Mary was finally destroyed and a mere shadow of herself. 

 

But worse was yet to come.  Abandonment.   Even abuse is better than abandonment.  Failing to make Mary "better" her friends just dropped her. 

 

Hilda put it this way, "enough was enough, there is only so much you can do for your friends."